Really? I have no idea what that even means, or if any response would be relevant. At any rate, my response: the weekend was an utter waste, and it's sad and disturbing that it was "a good experience" for all of you regardless; imagine what could have happened to all of our lives had it been done properly?
Two days notice of a topic effectively eliminating some participants of an already very-small retreat is a demonstration of incompetence and disregard. And I was not impressed when you took the opportunity to remind me I knew what the retreat would be about. Are you serious: if I had done the sensible thing and withdrew my involvement, what would keep any of the other complete strangers from doing the same thing--thereby making the presence of, say, any number less than ten retreatants an inconvenience (I understand the schedule was altered especially for us in the sense that the sisters could have had a "normal" retreat.) My perception of the statement that the retreat was only open to members of Courage Atlanta is that no-one was willing to back it up with action, therefore obviating the purpose of making the statement.
It doesn't really matter that I most likely will never see any of them again--the structure of the retreat required a higher level of familiarity that just was not possible, and it was foolish and dangerous to go gaily-forward. Did you know all of them? Even by just a first name? I resent the expenditure of money and time to have the golden opportunity to be read to (badly) from a complex text without analysis or discussion, and then stare at my navel while praying the Void doesn't swallow me while in the same room of several other men I didn't know doing THE EXACT SAME INEFFECTIVENESS--do you not normally get to putz-about for FREE? I envy your life, but why are you in recovery for it?
I went to the Spring Parish Workday (which was the original plan) and got a significantly deeper sense of community and accomplishment from being trusted to play with a floor-buffer (even if it plainly were just a sight to amuse the other Knights of Columbus) and learning how to Navy-swab the kitchen. And had I chosen to have a "bad" emotional reaction to that process, I was with the "responsible" party and would have been dealt with promptly. I don't know the priest's name who did the retreat, and I wouldn't have been able to seek his guidance through processing what he had helped expose. The convenient thing is, I already knew I wouldn't have wanted to.
I am furious. I'm also furious that I believe my anger is irrelevant and will be dismissed as coming from an attention-whore with his mouth stuffed with sour grapes. "And you should never speak with your mouth full!"
I'm sorry you didn't sleep at all Friday because you were waiting for me to come over, apparently with the intention of getting into bed with you. I see that was an occasion of sin, and the fact that I intended the exact opposite effect, the entire time, with other men as witness, and with you needing to "confess" with a whisper makes me feel remorse. While at the same time wonder and marvel at the irony of you just not getting it. This is exactly the behavior that creates problems, not solve (or, happily, even prevent) them.
Work to put yourself out a job. Doing so, maybe eventually there won't be a need for Courage anymore at all.
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